How Do You Achieve Fullfillment?



Category: Dating

Kyle here. This post was originally written back in 2014, regarding the below comment left on the original blog. My oh my, how things change…

You remind me of my little brother. I found a copy of The Game in his car when he was trying to get over a girl and I linked him to Roissy’s blog (ed: It’s been five years and I’m still not sure if I did a good thing or made a horrible mistake. He’s had fun with a lot of gorgeous girls (in a perverse way I’m proud of him) but he’s become such a cold person. He’s gone too far, from idealist to realist to pessimist.

I don’t know what will make him happy in the future. Whether he’d feel more fulfilled as a family man or George Clooney-ing it for the rest of his life, who knows? What I do know is that the longer he stays on this path, the harder it’ll be for him to take the other.

I can only hope he comes to understand the difference between the educated man and the dogmatic man. That it’s one thing to navigate the dating world with eyes wide open, but quite another to become mercenary.

The never ending question is posed yet again.

Is the life of a player more satisfying than the life of a man who chooses to wife a lady up and raise a family?

Certainly, there are pluses and minuses to both sides, and no doubt there are risks in both, as well.

In the end, I believe fulfillment is possible in both lives, though perhaps neither are achieved by the amount of pussies fucked or, in the ladder case, the lack of pussies fucked.

First off, let’s start with the life of a player.

I don’t really classify myself as one, but everyone else seems to these days.

Admittedly, my outlook is just like the younger brother described in this comment.

I’m a little bitter, pessimistic, and I see women for what they are. I keep my guards way up until proven otherwise, and I’m learning that if you give an inch, they’ll take a mile.

However, I do not fault women for this.

This is the way things are.

I do not trust women, but I trust women to be women.

I trust them to be, emotional, and to test the living shit out of me until I cave or until I shatter their frame that they become a submissive little adorable kitten.

Who coos when you touch her, and while she likes to wander and explore how far she can push you, is terrified of the way you will punish her should she put one foot out of line.

Honestly, I don’t think I will ever be able to love as deeply, or give as much of myself to any girl since starting on this journey. 

I see nothing to gain and everything to lose. This goes hand in hand with the pessimistic attitude.

I think it’s critical to think about why this is though.

I know why; because with every new conquest, every new phone number, date, fuck, and mini-relationship, I realize more and more there are no special snowflakes.

Girls all agree for the same dates, the same lines, the same “game” concepts – that you simply start to lose respect.

You almost feel bad, it’s practically like knowing the answers to the test prior to walking into the classroom.

I don’t think the player lifestyle is sustainable over the long term.

Going on multiple dates a week, drinking, it’s just not something that can be done for a long period of time.

You burn out and get sick of it and develop feelings of wanting to settle down and find someone special.

The problem is, you don’t think anyone is special.

You cannot get fulfillment from chasing pussy, because then you’re valuing it and your game will suffer.

Instead, the life of a bachelor must cultivate other hobbies, interests, etc that gives fulfillment. This could be anything ranging from travel, music, or a job. The point is, women cannot be the main focus in your life, or you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of flakes and pessimism.

On the flip side, if you’re optimistic that there is a special girl out there, you will no doubt lose out on a high notch count, but if you’re naive enough, you will likely find someone to settle with.

If you’re lucky, she’s cute, intelligent, and feminine. If you’re not, she’s fat, masculine, and demanding.  She may also go from the three desirable qualities to the three undesirable in the span of six months. That’s just the gamble you take.

In this case, fulfillment can come from building a satisfying, loving relationship that you hope lasts until your final breathe. 

Fulfillment can be derived from having children and watching them grow up to become successful adults. More than likely, you will lose out on the opportunity to travel and see the world, to take career risks, and obviously, the thrill of the hunt. It is a matter of opportunity costs and what you really want from life. Once again though, putting too much happiness into one specific item will likely cause unhappiness.

The key as always, is balance.

My path personally is still undetermined. I like my bachelor lifestyle for now, that’s for sure. I want to see the world and the many beautiful women, sights, and sounds within it.  At the moment, I want the independence, freedom, and spontaneity of that lifestyle.

Parts of the second lifestyle appeal to me, but I’m smart (or hell, even jaded) enough to not go down that route unless the circumstances are near perfect.

I’m planning a trip to Europe next spring where I’m going to start looking for a possible place to call home, someday.

I don’t know what my path will be, but I do know I’ll give it my all, and ultimately, find fulfillment.

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