Category Archives for Sexy Time

The alpha male of cheese(siness)

I don’t believe in being full on alpha-asshole all the time to girls.

In fact, unless that is 100% your personality, I think it’s slightly incongruent.

Maybe you struggle with this too, finding the balance between nice guy (who you really are – most guys are generally good people!) and “alpha”.

So, just wait ‘til you try this (or the equivalent):

My girl eats a lot of cheese.

I think it’s a Ukrainian thing, because her friend does too. Between these two girls they must consume a dozen of these little cheeses a week.

They’re small little circles, roughly 120 grams. Just enough for a larg(ish?) snack.

So anyways, my girl practically eats one of these things a day. I never stop making fun of her for it.

Here’s what I did:

I went and bought a half-dozen of the things (they’re a buck each), and completely lined the fridge with them. An entire shelf is taken up with camembert cheese.

I even took special precaution to make sure that ALL of her other food, juice, milk, etc. is hidden behind it.

Now, this is definitely a “nice” thing to do. And it’s also a dickish thing to do.

But I’m also going to have a kick out of it when she opens the fridge this afternoon and sees all those cheeses looking at her.

This is the important part:

I am amusing myself.

Sure, I’m doing something quite nice for her. She’s got a week’s supply of cheese. But I’m poking fun at her at the same time, and I’m going to have a good laugh out of it. I may even film it and use it to blackmail tease her later.

But hang on.

We’re not through yet.

Girls can’t help but be attracted by these kind of things. This one simple action, which cost me $6 and no time whatsoever, does the following:

= Provides – she is being “taken care of” by the man in her life

= Amused mastery – I’m entertaining myself (at her expense), showing that I can have a laugh at life

= Keeping her on her toes – she never knows whether she’ll get the more quiet, stoic guy, or the guy who is being nice and buying her cheese, or the goofy guy who is going to laugh his ass off at her later (in this specific case she’s getting two of these)

All of these = attraction.

Here’s how you can implement this, too:

Got a girl you like, or a girlfriend? Take her favorite cheap food/drink and completely fill one of her shelves with it. Make sure it’s something that you tease her often for.

It’s that easy.

Preferably, make it a healthier thing. I wouldn’t encourage any girl (especially westerners) to eat copious amounts of Oreo cookies, for example.

So, the message is clear:

Balancing “alpha” and “nice guy” can be difficult, but it really doesn’t take much to pull off both at the same time.

Just insert a food or drink and prepare for a laugh.

There’s more great tips in King’s Code, which is still on it’s Amazon super-sale. Get it here:

https://thisistrouble.com/KingsCode

Kyle Trouble

PS: You can listen to the time she came on my podcast here:

Girls are animals and will eat you (nom nom)

I’ve got a map of the local zoo that sits on my table. I took the maps they pass out at the entrance took them home, and had them laminated. They are pretty cool little placemats that get a lot of compliments.

Every day when I look at those maps, I try to remind myself not to take life too seriously.

Reason why:

We’re all animals.

No matter which way you spin the puzzle of life, no matter what it comes down to biology and survival. Ya can’t fault women for doing what they need to do to survive, no matter how cruel it may seem on the surface.

That’s why today I want to talk about the “friend zone”…

Example:

Do you think a badass lion would be cool with one of the lionesses in his pride saying, “Hey, Simba, I really like you but I think we should just be friends…”

He’d have nothing to do with that, that girl would be exiled to the far reaches of the savannah.

So when a girl friend zones you (a human), it’s simply her way of saying that you *aren’t good enough* for her.

Take, as an example:

The first girl I ever really crushed on. I was 14, and I managed to summon up the guts to actually bring her flowers on Valentine’s Day. Cheesy, but she “loved it”…

…and then stuck me in the friend zone.

A year or so later, I finally caught on to her gig, and cut her out of my life. I set about improving myself (that’s when I lost 75 or so pounds), took up guitar and kart racing, and overall became a much better and interesting person.

And then:

She started trying to make contact with me.

And I let her, and all of a sudden things had totally switched around. I was “good enough” in the terms of the food chain.

Sure, I hated her guts at the time.

But now?

I can look back and just chuckle. Because she became intersted after I became interesting, and of course was heading off to college (unlike many of other peers) to study. Her survival instincts kicked in.

The lesson’s this:

Learning these lessons in life is truly painful. It usually takes a good shot in the gut of heartbreak. And it’s usually not a shot either. It’s often extended over a long period of time.

The thing is, once you figure out how lions think…all of a sudden you have more than what you know what to do with.

Kind of like how the female lions bring the pride leader all the food he wants.

One more thing, it’s important:

I tried my best to explain every situation possible in my book, to help avoid the heartbreak, gut punches, and overall BS that modern dating puts men through.

A lot of time has passed since I was 14 and I’d like to think I’m old and wise.

Get it here:

https://crackingokcupid.com

Keep causing Trouble,

Kyle

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