Category Archives for Sexy Time

How to get layed while not getting off the couch

I’m a huge proponent that everybody needs to be able to cold approach girls. I’m also of the mindset that everybody need some time off once in a while. And that them womenz shouldn’t rule your life.

And rule their life they will, if you let them.

I know it’s cliche and gets used all the time, but all men need a Mission that goes before the boobies.

When you have the skills to keep girls around, and the frame that sucks new ones in – life goes on EZ-street.

What do I mean by this?

1.) If you can keep girls around, keep them wanting more, and draw them into YOUR world, then you’re going to have them coming to you beck and call.

You’d be shocked how a girl who is just a casual fuckbuddy will go out of her way to pick up food for you, bring it to your house on a random Monday at 9pm, suck your dick, and then turn around and do the dishes.

Every girl has that side of her waiting to be unlocked, you just need to know what buttons to press.


2.) How to suck new ones in. You know how when you’re a kid, if you were EVER told you couldn’t do something – you instantly had to go and do it? Well, that doesn’t go away for adults, men and women alike.

So when a girl knows she “can’t” have you because other girls do, she’ll be trying even harder to win your affections. Now, it used to be that men would be married, so it was much more taboo. These days with Tinder, it’s normal to date multiple people, but, that hardwired instinct to want what she can’t have WORKS.

This means when you already have girls, new ones are easier to come by.

Much like how once you have some money, it’s easier to make MORE money.

Best of all?

All of this can be learned, implemented, and already paying dividends within a month if you follow the techniques I’ve laid out in my book.

Details here:

Keep causing Trouble,

Kyle Trouble

Why Santa needs to break up with Mrs. Claus

Hey hey hey hoe hoe hoe…

So in my family, the *big* Asian Christmas celebration is on Christmas Eve.

And this year, it was at my parent’s house for the first time in twenty years. And, we actually saw Santa Claus come sliding down our chimney in the middle of the night.

He joined in on the conversation – the big joke of the night was how old I’m getting now that I’m 26; closer to 30 than 20. Santa mentioned that he’s just getting older and older, and asked if I had any recommendations for being more “youthful” in his older age.

My advice to him?

Date younger women.


Yup, that’s right.

I told him to dump that cookie-munching, wraggly skinned grandma Mrs. Claus and upgrade to a newer model.

All that incessant nagging is not good for his soul.

Needless to say, my family was shocked and so was Santa himself.

Will he heed my advice? I’ll find out when he slides down that chimney in 2018.

Do you want to know what I told him?

Here are the 5 pieces of advice I gave to Mr. Claus so he could be younger and more full of life for years to come:

#1: Work on his style

The old red suit is tried and played out.

Sure, custom suits are great and all, but sometimes you got to vary it up.

Plus, while girls don’t mind sharing a high-value man, they don’t want everyone to know they’re sharing. Santa can’t be seen out and about in the North Pole with multiple young hotties. Changing his styles will make this a bit more plausible.

#2: Leave America

For example, Christmas in Ukraine is on January 7th. Apparently there is a whole different Santa who manages Eastern Europe!

I told him to try to “switch shifts” next year, and leave behind the life of consume consume, consume in America.

Not having to make payments on his igloo, sled, and reindeers will surely relief some stress and make him more youthful.

(I am slightly worried he’ll have a heart attack when he sees how much slimmer and hotter foreign girls are, but it’s worth the risk).

#3: Dump that bee-yatch Mrs. Claus

I even told him he could do it over text message, or relay it via a reindeer.

Who knows, maybe he can find some new girl tonight and slide into her chimney.

Santa has been a one-woman-man his whole life, and surely dating a few new ones will re-invigorate his libido like never before. It’s like a Viagra commercial. Do you EVER see that commercial with an old dude and a hot young thing? It’s usually an old grannie well past her expiration date.

I told Santa that young girls (preferrably many) are the elixir of life.

He (and you) can learn the full ins and outs of how to date multiple young thangs. Check it out:

Anyways, that was my advice to good ‘ol Santa for 2018.

We’ll see if the divorce is finalized by the next time he visits.

Have a Merry Christmas (screw the politically-correct-police), and…

Keep causing Trouble,

Kyle Trouble

The alpha male of cheese(siness)

I don’t believe in being full on alpha-asshole all the time to girls.

In fact, unless that is 100% your personality, I think it’s slightly incongruent.

Maybe you struggle with this too, finding the balance between nice guy (who you really are – most guys are generally good people!) and “alpha”.

So, just wait ‘til you try this (or the equivalent):

My girl eats a lot of cheese.

I think it’s a Ukrainian thing, because her friend does too. Between these two girls they must consume a dozen of these little cheeses a week.

They’re small little circles, roughly 120 grams. Just enough for a larg(ish?) snack.

So anyways, my girl practically eats one of these things a day. I never stop making fun of her for it.

Here’s what I did:

I went and bought a half-dozen of the things (they’re a buck each), and completely lined the fridge with them. An entire shelf is taken up with camembert cheese.

I even took special precaution to make sure that ALL of her other food, juice, milk, etc. is hidden behind it.

Now, this is definitely a “nice” thing to do. And it’s also a dickish thing to do.

But I’m also going to have a kick out of it when she opens the fridge this afternoon and sees all those cheeses looking at her.

This is the important part:

I am amusing myself.

Sure, I’m doing something quite nice for her. She’s got a week’s supply of cheese. But I’m poking fun at her at the same time, and I’m going to have a good laugh out of it. I may even film it and use it to blackmail tease her later.

But hang on.

We’re not through yet.

Girls can’t help but be attracted by these kind of things. This one simple action, which cost me $6 and no time whatsoever, does the following:

= Provides – she is being “taken care of” by the man in her life

= Amused mastery – I’m entertaining myself (at her expense), showing that I can have a laugh at life

= Keeping her on her toes – she never knows whether she’ll get the more quiet, stoic guy, or the guy who is being nice and buying her cheese, or the goofy guy who is going to laugh his ass off at her later (in this specific case she’s getting two of these)

All of these = attraction.

Here’s how you can implement this, too:

Got a girl you like, or a girlfriend? Take her favorite cheap food/drink and completely fill one of her shelves with it. Make sure it’s something that you tease her often for.

It’s that easy.

Preferably, make it a healthier thing. I wouldn’t encourage any girl (especially westerners) to eat copious amounts of Oreo cookies, for example.

So, the message is clear:

Balancing “alpha” and “nice guy” can be difficult, but it really doesn’t take much to pull off both at the same time.

Just insert a food or drink and prepare for a laugh.

There’s more great tips in King’s Code, which is still on it’s Amazon super-sale. Get it here:

Kyle Trouble

PS: You can listen to the time she came on my podcast here:

Girls are animals and will eat you (nom nom)

I’ve got a map of the local zoo that sits on my table. I took the maps they pass out at the entrance took them home, and had them laminated. They are pretty cool little placemats that get a lot of compliments.

Every day when I look at those maps, I try to remind myself not to take life too seriously.

Reason why:

We’re all animals.

No matter which way you spin the puzzle of life, no matter what it comes down to biology and survival. Ya can’t fault women for doing what they need to do to survive, no matter how cruel it may seem on the surface.

That’s why today I want to talk about the “friend zone”…


Do you think a badass lion would be cool with one of the lionesses in his pride saying, “Hey, Simba, I really like you but I think we should just be friends…”

He’d have nothing to do with that, that girl would be exiled to the far reaches of the savannah.

So when a girl friend zones you (a human), it’s simply her way of saying that you *aren’t good enough* for her.

Take, as an example:

The first girl I ever really crushed on. I was 14, and I managed to summon up the guts to actually bring her flowers on Valentine’s Day. Cheesy, but she “loved it”…

…and then stuck me in the friend zone.

A year or so later, I finally caught on to her gig, and cut her out of my life. I set about improving myself (that’s when I lost 75 or so pounds), took up guitar and kart racing, and overall became a much better and interesting person.

And then:

She started trying to make contact with me.

And I let her, and all of a sudden things had totally switched around. I was “good enough” in the terms of the food chain.

Sure, I hated her guts at the time.

But now?

I can look back and just chuckle. Because she became intersted after I became interesting, and of course was heading off to college (unlike many of other peers) to study. Her survival instincts kicked in.

The lesson’s this:

Learning these lessons in life is truly painful. It usually takes a good shot in the gut of heartbreak. And it’s usually not a shot either. It’s often extended over a long period of time.

The thing is, once you figure out how lions think…all of a sudden you have more than what you know what to do with.

Kind of like how the female lions bring the pride leader all the food he wants.

One more thing, it’s important:

I tried my best to explain every situation possible in my book, to help avoid the heartbreak, gut punches, and overall BS that modern dating puts men through.

A lot of time has passed since I was 14 and I’d like to think I’m old and wise.

Get it here:

Keep causing Trouble,